This week, I experienced an interesting phenomenon. I don’t really know what to call it exactly… but on Monday, I was walking into the door of the building, and kind of quickly checked myself out in the window. Right now you’re probably thinking “I know what to call it – narcissism.” But it wasn’t like that. I was doing a quick glance while I swung the door open, and then literally stopped in my tracks and thought “hey – I’m losing weight.” Now you’re thinking “ok, maybe it’s called stupidity…” :) I stepped on the scale last week after writing my blog, and could not believe my eyes and ears. I had lost 8.2 pounds!!! I was SHOCKED! I wasn’t expecting much, and was rewarded with more than I could have possibly expected. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but that’s what the scale said (I have my theories re: my gain from the week before, but for now I shall bask). I was delighted, but hesitant to completely accept that as truth for some reason. Maybe because it’s hard to take compliments, maybe because I wasn’t completely buying that I’d lost that all in one week (again, scale conspiracy), or maybe because I just didn’t really completely let the weight (HA) of it sink in when she told me. But either way, I was riding pretty internally high this week. And I had a great weekend, filled with great quality time with my most important people, and I let myself indulge a bit… I gave myself some slack to just enjoy myself, and I really did!
So here it is, Monday, and I’m checking myself out in the window. And I suddenly noticed that my body is changing (this totally sounds like the lead-up to an after-school special or a health class video). Because I was only 8.2 pounds down, out of about a billion I am striving to lose, I did not think that I would be able to notice something so small in the grand scheme of things. So to me it meant that I was going to step on the scale on Tuesday evening and be rewarded with another weight loss – I mean, how else could I explain the fact that I was noticing the weight difference on my body already?
Tuesday. I step on the scale, telling myself I’m not expecting much, but secretly hoping I’m totally wrong. And my first instinct was the one that was true. I gained weight this week. Worse things have happened in my life – it was a quick disappointment and then a “well, this is how it is and this is how much harder I have to work from now on!” speech played in my head. But as I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror there at WW itself, I noticed the change again. WHAT WAS GOING ON? Were all reflective surfaces in my life playing a trick on me?
But then I think I figured it out. Or at least came up with my very own hypothesis that makes me feel scientific. Ish. I’ve been a lot more active lately than normal – long walks, bike rides, etc. Nothing crazy, and not obsessively. But I feel like maybe my weight is starting to shift a little bit, and some areas are starting to get a little smoother than they were before. Right? Right? That sounds legit? Right? Back me up here, people.
But then again – maybe it’s just my perspective that is changing. I’m making better decisions, being kinder to myself, and taking care of this body that I was given better than before. And maybe, just maybe, that is changing the way that I see myself physically. I’m proud of myself. Damn proud of myself. And my pride in myself and the choices that I am making is causing me to carry myself in a different way. I feel like I hold my head up higher, smile a little bigger, do a lot of hair flips (what is THAT about?)… Just generally feeling more confident lately has drastically improved things for me. And I feel like this domino effect is making it so I am seeing things with positive colored glasses, where before I usually felt so down in the dumps that everything was clouded by the Eeyore effect.
So it’s for this reason that even on days when I notice a change in my body, I can step on the scale and see that I actually gained. It’s because I’m looking at things completely differently now, and my confidence and excitement for the changes I’m making are, quite literally, shaping me. It’s not fun house mirrors around here – it’s more like I’m seeing inside of myself when I look at my reflection. The inside is staring to bleed out, and I’m loving what I see.